Enneagram Type 7 Blueprint: The Hedonistic VisionaryJan 12, 2022
(By Eldad Ben-Moshe)
❤ Hey there Better Lifers!
Welcome to another episode of The Enneagram Blueprint.
And this time we're going to talk about Type Seven of the Enneagram, The Hedonistic Visionary.
And that is going to be fun because that's what sevens are about, in part.
But before we dive into all that fun, as usual, two words of wisdom:
If you haven't seen previous episodes of this series, the first video was an introduction video which was all about what is the Enneagram and how is it so successful in changing so many people's lives.
I highly recommend watching that, especially if you haven't had a lot of Enneagram experience in your life.
But even if you have, because every teacher might teach things a little bit differently and even more so there are some key building stones or foundational stones in the path that we're going to tred. No matter which teacher you're listening to, this will be very valuable.
And the second video that we did in the series was about type one, but in the first five or six minutes there I was saying a few remarks and words about finding your type and about the names of the types. So I would also recommend watching that.
Of course, I recommend watching all the other types, too, but that's a different story altogether.
So far in the Enneagram blueprint series, we had the introduction video - what is the enneagram; type one - the critical reformer; type two - the proud helper; type three - the self-promoting achiever; type four - the dramatic creative; type five - the detached intellectual; and type six - the doubting loyal.
This is not my full online course or non-online, in-person course. This is a taste. So there's only so much I can dive into - even in an online course there's only so much I can dive into.
But the important thing is that here, in the Enneagram Blueprint series, I'm going to give you the essential blueprint of the nine types. It will be a quick description of each type, and it is going to be beautiful.
And with that said, and without further ado, let's dive with loads of fun and enthusiasm and excitement, into the world of type seven, The Hedonistic Visionary.
Type 7's Blueprint: The Hedonistic Visionary.
1. Type 7's core belief.
So as always, with sevens too, we start with the core belief.
And why do I start with the core belief?
Because, like I said in the introduction video, the type is a defense mechanism of sorts, false defense mechanism, but that's the role that it has.
So it's your personality style, your personality type, your personality structure, your defense mechanism, call it whatever you want, but that's the function - to keep you safe.
And the entire structure, the entire mechanism, starts from the core belief. It all ends up serving the core belief.
The core belief is like the seed. If you have an Apple seed, you're going to have an Apple tree. If you have a lemon seed, you're going to have a lemon tree and so on and so on.
So with that said, the core belief of type seven is that the world is limiting, frustrating, and causes pain, but all this can and should be avoided - and life is supposed to be fun.
Now, notice something here, most of the time what you might hear about the Enneagram type seven is that their belief is the fun part, right? Life is supposed to be fun.
I'm not sure why, but many people kind of either skip or are unaware of the first part of it.
Life is supposed to be fun - that already tells you that something in them sees that it isn't. And that's really an important part, the whole part about the world being limiting, frustrating, and causes pain and that it should be avoided, as you will see as we go along in this journey. But I wanted to point it out.
Now if that's my core belief, the second part of it is that therefore I must avoid pain and suffering and be happy.
The world is limiting, frustrating, causes pain. It can and should be avoided. Life is supposed to be fun and therefore I must avoid pain and suffering and be happy.
2. Type 7's core need.
So out of this core belief come our core need and our core fear. Now as always the core need, the way I see it, we all have the core need for survival or safety and the core need for love.
And then each type has its extra special core need. And in the case of type seven, it is to be happy. I just want to be happy, man.
3. Type 7's core fear.
And in the case of core fear, the core fear of type seven is being trapped in endless pain - and especially emotional pain, but not only.
So notice here a few things:
The word "trapped." The word "endless". Being trapped in endless pain.
If I know the pain will go away, I'm more chill with that.
But their mechanism, we'll dive into that later, does tend to perceive the possibility of pain is endless. And that's part of the problem here.
And again, especially emotional pain, but not only. I know a very good friend of mine, a seven. She had an issue with going to the dentist because of the pain. So it's not just physical pain. The physical pain relates to emotional pain.
And in my teachers and coaching certificates that I do with the Enneagram, I teach how we use these things to help a person overcome that. How we use the Enneagram's knowledge.
For example, if a person comes to me and tells me, "I can't seem to go to the dentist", which is not a thing they come to coaching about but it's an example of a thing they come to coaching about.
I'll know how to use the seven mechanisms in order to get them out of that or help them get out of that. But eventually, it's their job.
But yes, especially emotional pain.
So with that in mind, when we're talking about their core fear, we can also say that they run away from emotional pain and from suffering.
Because deep inside, consciously or unconsciously, they fear that it will be 'for life'. That it will trap them in a bottomless, dark pit of pain and misery and suffering forever.
That goes back again to the 'trapped' part and the 'endless' part. And I want you to remember that. That's important when we speak about sevens.
They're not delusional. They understand that if it's going to pass, it's easier, it's going to be okay, you can deal with it. Well, they're somewhat delusional sometimes, but we all are.
But they do understand that part. It's just that their mechanism presents that as if it's going to be an endless trap of pain.
And that's part of what we need to deal with, our stories. Or some would say, all we have to deal with, or the major part of what we have to deal with, is our stories.
That's why it's so important for me to deliver this part home. Even if rationally, you'll know that it's not for life, it doesn't mean that you experience that in your mind.
And again, remember it's many times unconscious, right? They're behind the scenes in your mind and you're not necessarily in touch with that.
4. Type 7's strategy and tactics.
So with that said, core fear, core need, core belief, for all the types, the strategy of how to deal with this world is to get our desires fulfilled - what we need, and our core need.
And avoid what we fear, avoid our core fear and other fears. That stems from that.
And that's true for all types, It's the same. We want our needs or what we think will make us happy. And we want to avoid our fears of what we think will bring us pain.
Now, what changes between types is the tactics, 'how'. How to fulfill our needs, how to get our pleasure, and how to avoid our pain, how to avoid our fears.
In the case of type seven, to be loved and safe and avoid pain, I must always have fun and have many fun options all the time without committing to any of them.
And this way, I can avoid the painful part of life.
You can say, rightfully so, it's very much a short-term tactic, right? It's immediate gratification.
Until they do some work and they get to the higher or balanced state of seven, long-term goals and commitments are not exactly what sevens are famous for. Let's be honest. For better or worse. Like every type, there are the gifts and there are the problems.
5. Type 7's automatic focus of awareness.
So with all that, in order to make all that happen, my automatic focus of awareness as a seven goes to the positive, the fun part of life, the adventures, the opportunities, the planning fun trips and things.
Because if I can see where the fun is, I can go there. If my tactic is to have fun, I need to see the fun possibilities.
If my automatic focus of awareness would be like a six and I'll see what can go wrong instead of what can go good, I will not be able to have so much fun. That would not serve that tactic at all.
So I need the right set of lenses, the automatic focus of awareness to serve my tactics.
Again, it's a classic example to go with the six and seven, in that sense. If I'll have the lenses of the six, and I'll try to act like a seven, it will never work. The lenses of a six will lead me to acting like a six.
If I see the problems and the dangers, I will not be adventurous and fun and stuff like that as much as seven is. Sometimes, but it will not be my habitual pattern.
And if my lenses would be that of seven, 'Hey, it's an adventure. Here's a fun thing. Let's do this. Let's do that. I might not be preparing too well when I need to.
So I want to use that again to say, our automatic focus of awareness, like everything else, basically serves the entire mechanism. There's a reason that this is the automatic focus of awareness of seven.
And there's a reason why I'm saying what is the automatic focus of awareness for every type, even in an introduction video, and not just in my more in-depth courses in my E-School, my Enneagram school, which if you're interested, go to betterlifeawareness.com/eschool and you'll find more in-depth material over there.
6. Type 7's automatic focus of actions.
And with that, if that's my automatic focus of awareness, my automatic focus of actions, my habitual actions will go to the fun things in life.
Whether that would mean going on a hike or going to a party or staying home and reading a book. And that's an important thing to understand about sevens.
Fun is personal. It's subjective. Not every seven thinks the fun thing is a party, or it can be in a certain part of my life a party and in the next part of my life I'll just actually want to be at home. There are introverted sevens. There are sevens that are more low-key.
So I'm telling you, it took me also some time to get that because the way Enneagram is being taught is many times on the stereotypes.
That makes sense. My introduction video also highlights the stereotype, although I try to explain that there are many exceptions like I said in the introduction video.
That's why in every video I'm going back in the beginning of it and saying, 'hey, watch the introduction video,' going back to the metaphor of the nine rooms and how it's a complex dynamic module.
It's not just like, 'okay, here's what sevens always look like.' No, you put 1000 people with a seven, or any type, in the same room, you'll have different people, both because they are different people and also because there are different shades of seven and different wings and different levels of development and tri types and so on and instincts.
It's a complex thing. So I don't want you to think, oh, they're hedonistic always, they're only just partying and good life and yachts and stuff like that. No.
The classic scenario is a more hedonistic kind of fun, which is why hedonistic is one of the aspects I highlight in the name I gave to the seven.
They're usually more in the high energy party, good fun, good life kind of fun. But it dawned on me when I met a seven - he knew the Enneagram very well already, I met him in one of the advanced courses.
And all of a sudden we speak about it, "Hey, my fun is actually to sit at home and read a book". And I'm saying that it makes sense once I say it. But it's not something you would hear often when you speak about sevens, or you read about sevens, or you hear about sevens from teachers and even more so from people who are not teachers and are just like knowing some stuff, but not enough.
So that's an important piece of the puzzle - and another way to remember not to type people according to actions but according to motivations. Going back to the introduction video. Okay?
So another example of what fun might be for sevens - just trekking for weeks in wild nature, just you and your tent, and not necessarily the comfort, luxurious type of hedonistic seven.
And yes, if you know me, I just flagged myself. I'm not a seven, I'm a nine. If you know the Enneagram world enough you know about tri types. And I have a seven in my tri type. Pretty strong seven.
And that part about wanting to trek for weeks in wild nature, just you and your tent being your kind of fun? Guilty as charged. That's me.
It's not the only thing I want for fun but definitely, that's part of how I have fun. And that's another example of how, yes usually it's the hedonistic kind of how it can be actually the opposite. It can be just you and a tent in nature, no luxury, no parties as much as I like parties, too.
7. Type 7's self-image.
So with all that said, the self-image of a seven would be: I am fun, I am happy, I'm creative, I am playful, I am joyful, I'm inspiring, I'm a visionary...
I am a limitless-free-spirit-magical-unicorn. Depending on your background, some of you might cringe, 'I don't know, a unicorn? That's hippie talk!'.
But yes, many of them would see themselves as such - "I know how to enjoy life". And at least the limitless, free parts of the limitless-free-spirit-magical-unicorn would apply to most sevens that I know.
8. Type 7's gifts (“healthy”/ balanced/ high level of development).
And the behaviors that we can expect to see from sevens, and again, as always, I'll say there are levels of development in all the types.
So I'll relate here, because it's an introduction, to healthy or balanced or high levels of development behaviors, and later on to the unhealthy or unbalanced or lower levels of development.
It's a range. It's a spectrum. You can be not just in the edges. Most of us are not in the edges, we're in the middle. So take it with that.
And you won't have all of them necessarily in one person. We're talking about classic scenarios, classic things that we can expect to see from sevens.
If you have one of these, it doesn't mean you're a seven. I'm going again to the introduction video, and there's a lot more there. I do really recommend watching that.
So one of the things we'll expect to see from a high-level balanced seven: Super optimistic.
Now, for a high-level development or balanced or healthy seven, that would be super optimistic but without negating or ignoring or denying problems. Okay?
We'll get to that in the shadow aspect. I might throw a word about it in a minute too, but I want to put it out there because the lower level can be optimistic, but to a fault.
So super optimistic. They will have faith things will change for the best, even when everyone else lost hope. And it is a superpower.
It is a great thing to have many times when it's not overused. Because, as always, overdoing or overusing, the gift leads to a problem, right?
If I'm just saying 'things will be great, things will be great' and I'm ignoring problems that are rising...
If I'm doing that to an extreme sense without facing what reality really brings me, I might be delusional rather than healthy. I might be avoiding problems. So there's that too.
But in the healthy side, they'll do that in a healthy way. They'll be optimistic. They'll have faith when it's necessary, when it's good. And also when other people lost hope.
And that will help them succeed, it will help them pull people through, pull themselves through in tough times. And that's really a superpower. That's a beautiful gift that they got.
They are also great visionaries and great entrepreneurs: they are very creative. They have a very active imagination.
So when they harness that and overcome some of the shadows that I'll discuss later on, they become great visionaries, great entrepreneurs when they really make it happen in the world and not just leave it in their mind. So that's the higher part of it.
They are very good at reframing problems as opportunities.
Now, again, it's very evident with sevens, but it's true to every gift of every type: overuse it, overdo it it's a problem. But in the high level, in the healthy way of it, it's a beautiful gift.
Many times we're just creating problems in our mind or not seeing the opportunity in a problem and we are giving up too early or we're not giving enough chance and we're just stuck in a wrong mindset.
So in the healthy side of the seven, that's a huge gift - to be able to reframe problems as opportunities in a real, authentic, honest way.
Another gift is that they can make everyone around them happy in almost any situation, basically.
I have an example - It's not a real example, it's a movie - but basically, if you've seen Roberto Benigni's movie about the Holocaust.
He took a thing like the Holocaust and he put play and fun there without mocking or without diminishing the horror that was there. But just a good example of how the perspective can change.
And again, when it's done in a healthy way, it's not denying or negating the horror and the problems. But it can take that topic and make a movie that is even joyful in many ways about people in the camps of the Holocaust.
So that's an extreme example, even though it's a movie. But basically, they can make people happy even in hard situations.
They know how to carry you away with kind of a magical whirlwind of fun and excitement and optimism and charisma and faith and adventurous spirit and enthusiasm.
And you can even see my gestures and tone and facial expression in this video and my tempo in this video, it's a bit different. And it's a seven-ish infused tempo.
And with that, it's not just that they bring fun in hard situations - they can give you hope and courage in hard situations.
I can tell you personally, a very hard moment in my life, I had a very good friend which was also my roommate at the time, and she was a classic seven, and she just took me by the hand and we just went out and had fun.
And it doesn't mean that I didn't deal with the pain that I had at that time later on. But at that moment, that was a beautiful gift that sucked me out of that well of pain and suffering, even for half a day or a day.
And then I came back to deal with the pain when I'm not at the bottom of the well, right? And that was a beautiful gift. I won't forget it ever.
So that's a good example of how their enthusiastic, funloving, free spirit, adventurous, optimistic, faithful spirit can just grab you with this magical whirlwind of charisma and joy and help you.
And again, it's not just the fun. It's also the hope and courage that they give you on the way.
So they actually do see life as a fun playground of endless possibilities that life has to offer. And that is also a beautiful way to see life. Again, keeping it balanced.
You can easily take what I'm saying and take it out of context and say, oh yeah, but it's blah, blah, blah. We'll get to what people sometimes think about sevens. And that's true when it's unbalanced.
When it's balanced, it's a huge gift that many of us can wish to have, or better yet, be inspired and see how we can have that in our world.
And that's one of the things I can help people with the Enneagram, as an Enneagram coach, to help you use the different lenses of different types. Because it is a modality that is dynamic.
So there are ways to put the lenses of other types even momentarily or to some part of your life, and to enjoy the abilities the superpowers these types give.
So you can use that as an inspiration and look at life through a seven-ish perspective at some times even if you're not a seven and see how beautiful it is to see life as a playground of endless possibilities.
And that life really does offer a lot of beautiful gifts. And that's not denying the hard circumstances of people, but still.
They are very friendly, very charismatic. They are magnetic in a way, even.
They're adventurous. They love life. They're not taking life too seriously and they know how to enjoy it. Again, I'm talking now on the healthy side of that. Okay? There's going to be the shadow part too.
They tend to be the life of the party, even if there wasn't a party before they arrived. That's many times how you know a seven entered the room. It's undeniable many times.
Now again, there are sevens that are more introverted, that are not necessarily like that all the way, but some level of that is still there many times.
They're very talented, very active. They are interested in many things. They're very curious. Again, just think through that prism of what I've said so far.
And that's why I get to the behavior only now, only after I talk about core belief, core fear, core need, automatic focus of awareness, automatic focus of action. Because you can see how all this behavior will come from what I said until now.
They're spontaneous. They're not afraid to take risks - sometimes to a fault.
They are quick to learn and understand many different things.
And in the higher level of development, they are more realistic with their optimism. They do fully commit to long-term things like projects and relationships.
And therefore, they're more successful in making their magical plans really happen, of achieving their dreams. And that's the key.
We'll touch that on the shadow side. But that's a key, that part of being more realistic of the optimism and committing long-term.
In the highest level of development, they also allow themselves to feel pain and uncomfortable emotions. That's a healthy side of seven.
And if I can do the transition from the healthy to the unhealthy part that comes right about now, in a second, I'll say this:
The high level, the healthy seven is childlike. The low level or the unhealthy, unbalanced seven is childish.
If you want to see the difference that will make you perhaps remember and relate better to those lists of common behaviors that we see from sevens.
9. Type 7's shadows (“unhealthy”/ unbalanced/ lower levels of development).
So that was the childlike. And let's dive into the shadow, unhealthy, unbalanced lower levels of development, which I just named as sometimes being childish.
So one part of it is the lack of discipline. They have a hard time being dedicated and devoted over time. And it doesn't matter if you're talking about books, TV shows, podcasts, projects, and relationships.
Life is full of fun things. And here's another fun thing, and here's another fun thing. I started this, but this looks great and this sounds fun and this looks interesting. That kind of thing.
They tend to ignore warning signs and minimize problems. 'It's going to be okay. It's going to be great. I have trust. I have faith. I'll think positive, it will be positive.' Sometimes it's true, sometimes it isn't.
They'll do anything to avoid pain and feeling the limitations of life. And as we grow, we have to deal with that.
You know, as we grow up, we're not just a child playing in preschool right now or in the living room or wherever. We have to do the grown-up stuff.
And the reason the child can go to preschools and play around with toys is because there are adults that manufactured the toys or buy the toys or our teachers in the preschool or drive them to preschools.
That's the way life is. We have to take that into consideration too. And we have to deal with our pain and the limitations of life, too.
And low, unbalanced sevens, they might not do very well with that, and they might try to avoid it in unhealthy ways.
I'm talking even in the sense of the feeling, let alone doing those things that are feeling as limiting and painful. But just feeling the pain and feeling the limitations that life inevitably have.
Another shadow aspect is that they can become addicted to fun. It can be an unhealthy compulsive, hedonistic kind of fun. An addiction.
Like any other type, we have that compulsive part of it and that's what makes it a habitual pattern, an automatic pattern of behavior.
Again, part of growing up is that you need to deal with other parts of life. But lower unbalanced level seven might get addicted to the fun.
And we'll talk about addictions in a minute, too. It's not just the fun. There are different kinds of fun.
Their ability to reframe problems as something positive can actually lead to not dealing with real problems. And that is a problem.
If I'm just reframing everything as positive, sometimes it's not the right thing to do. Sometimes the thing to do is to deal with the problem, acknowledge there's a problem and deal with it even if it's painful.
In fact, because it's painful.
Now, for example, I have a seven friend and he, after many years, decided to finally check that pain that he has and he's been ignoring for too long, and ended up having cancer in a very advanced stage.
If he'd gone earlier, it might have been different. Early discovery, and so on, is said to be a key to chances of healing and survival.
So it gets really to that level of problem.
And I'm intentionally giving this as an example because I want you to understand, especially if you're a seven, the price of not dealing with problems. You might know it here (in your mind), but I want to lend an example here (in your core).
They can be impatient, they want results immediately. They have a hard time to delay gratifications.
And that's coming back to the childish part of seven. So that's delayed gratifications and wanting results immediately and being impatient, that's one aspect of that. Just think of a little child.
When they get burnt out, they can become cynical and critical as opposed to a magical optimistic unicorn. And they can become narcissistic as well.
They can avoid dealing with problems and limitations and painful emotions, states such as stress and anxiety, and fear by planning more fun things and projects and keeping all options open.
You know, if I'm not making decisions and not committing everything is still open, theoretically.
And by staying busy and jumping from one fun thing to the other, from one plan to the other.
So all these things can be a pattern of how they are actually avoiding dealing with problems and limitations and painful emotions.
It's not really that they're always just so fun and magical it's many times just trying to use a false defense mechanism from dealing with the pain and the limitations and the fears. Which is definitely an unhealthy pattern.
Another part of the shadow aspect is that because of all that, they can be perceived - and sometimes rightfully so and sometimes not - as childish and flaky and not serious enough and adrenaline junkies and not trustworthy and irresponsible and not dependable and delusional and not careful enough and not a good friend enough, and someone who always ends up in trouble, even if they know how to magically get out of this trouble somehow.
And sometimes they don't know how to get out of it. But many times it looks as if they do, and many times they do. They do have some part of a magical unicorn in them.
10. Famous 7's.
And with all that, another way to understand the world of sevens better or what sevens are like is if we talk about famous people.
Now as fun as it is, I always say we don't know these people, we didn't sit one on one with them, check their core beliefs, core fear and so on.
So it is an assumption based on an external image that we see of them or what they say and reading a bit or their energy and stuff like that.
But I want you to take it almost as a metaphor, with an energetic understanding or vibe or an image of what a seven might be like, and not so much about the person itself.
So some of the famous people we can see as seven are Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Mike Myers, Sacha Brown Cohen - Ali G or Borat - these characters are famous of him.
And it's not a coincidence that I start with people that are more on the comedy side of life. But they're not only comedians, right? Some other actors like Brad Pitt and George Clooney.
And people who are not actors - Steven Spielberg, Roberto Benigni, and that relates a lot more to the creative part of it. You can say, Federico Fellini, probably also.
You have Elton John and Mick Jagger, and in the most classic part of music you have Mozart, who is considered to be Enneagram seven.
Entrepreneurs such as Richard Branson, politicians even, like John F. Kennedy and perhaps more notoriously known as a seven, is Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian - I forgot if it's President or Prime Minister over there. Excuse me for that.
And you got some spiritual people, very famous spiritual people who are seven, you know, like Ram Dass is a classic example.
And the 14th Dalai Lama as well. Just think about his smile and he's kind of like a childlike spirit as opposed to a childish spirit. There's something kind of like fun inside his talks. And then you can see it come up all of a sudden in the middle of talks about spirituality and stuff like that.
But I'll give you one example here: Peter Pan. And why it's the classic example? It's a kid, a child, that didn't want to grow up. Wants to stay a child.
And even more so he can fly. What can we want more than that? That's a classic seven for you. Some say, and I love that, that sevens are the Peter Pan of the Enneagram world.
11. Metaphors to their world.
And I guess characters, as opposed to, people are the beautiful bridge between famous people and metaphors.
And I do think that metaphors are a better way to understand the types than people. Because again, we did not sit with people one on one.
There's only a certain limit to how do we really know them. How much do I really know Brad Pitt and George Clooney, right? Let's be honest.
So we take snippets and bits and pieces and energy and things they said, but it's not really like we know them. As opposed to metaphors, and you'll see now why they are so strong.
So one metaphor that I love about sevens is a child in a candy store: Everything is colorful and exciting and inviting and fun.And it's like the best adventure ever.
The classic thing about kids wanting their parents to be the owners of a candy store. Wouldn't that be fun? Right?
Just think of a kid going into a big candy store, colorful, beautiful, magical, endless opportunities.
And I don't really need to pay for anything, just take and take and take and take because that's what kid thinks is going on here. So that's a good metaphor.
Another one is parties. Let's just have fun and forget all the troubles and have fun, drink, do what we do, dance and all the other parts of parties that I will not relate to here.
But that's another fun adventure. It's just 'what are you doing tonight? Let's go to a party. Let's go to a party together!'
So speaking about it, thinking about it, you already get excited. Having a fun plan to go to the party even before you arrive to the party. So that's another part of this party analogy, or metaphor.
It's not just when I'm in the party. It's also before. It's just fun to think about going to the party and plan and going and dressed up and all that, and calling friends, 'Hey, let's go to the party together. Come with me' and so and so on.
Another metaphor that I like about sevens is the amusement park. There are all these fun rides. Let's go here and go there, up and down.
In the video about fours, I talked about the metaphor of a roller coaster, and I said, it's different than seven. So here the metaphor of the rollercoaster is it's just so much fun, right?
And if it's not your kind of fun, go back to what I said before, and I said different sevens have different ideas of what fun is. So it's never about the behavior. It's about the motivation behind it or the concept behind it.
Now, I also use the amusement park metaphor as a metaphor for how they feel like when they're sad or in certain situations.
So think about an amusement park but now think about it this way: imagine a kid in an amusement park who arrives at the amusement park, and all of a sudden it becomes cold and rainy and everything stops working because of horrendous rain. It's unsafe now.
So there are no rides, no rides are working. I'm staying alone here in the cold, endless rain and all this fun is canceled and everything is cold and wet.
And what happened to the world? What happened to the world? That feeling of the child. Feeling that, where's all the fun, how it got canceled, what happened? It was supposed to be great. That is something they experience a lot when things happen.
That child there that doesn't know how to deal with it and runs to another fun adventure instead of dealing with the pain and disappointment that life entails sometimes, that's the lower part of seven.
The higher part of seven will know how to deal with that, too, and then go out and have some other fun some other time.
And that's okay to have fun. We love having fun. That's great. It's inevitable that we would like to have fun. But there's a healthy and unhealthy way to do it.
And the last metaphor I'll have about the sevens is vacation. That's a classic, classic, great example:
There are no commitments. I can do anything I want. I don't have to go to work. I have no obligations.
And if I'm a seven, I probably had no plans for this week, for this vacation. It's not like the way they travel or have fun or go on vacation, it's not like there's an itinerary, and now I need to be here and now I need to be there.
I'm just going out, spending money on fun things, freedom, and joyfulness, and whatever I want to do is what I'll do. So that kind of vacation is a great example for the seven-ish metaphor.
12. The prices type 7 pay for their strategy (/automatic patterns of behavior).
And with all that, as you know by now from other videos, I always get to this part, which is the part about the prices that they pay for the tactics.
Because it's great to be on vacation and fun and all that but there are prices to pay for our tactics. And it doesn't matter what type you are.
One price that they pay is that they tend to be over-optimistic and end up many times facing unnecessary problems.
Now of course, when I'm talking about the prices, the more you are on the lower level or the unbalanced part of the seven you'll experience that more. So take that into account.
So a common thing you can hear from them is that "I'm not worried. Everything will work out fine. The universe will make it happen. I'll just think positive. Everything will be positive."
Sometimes that's great. But sometimes if you're over-optimistic and you're not really dealing with reality as it is or just painting it pink in your mind, that can be a problem.
And you might pay big prices for that. You might end up facing many unnecessary problems that you could have avoided or dealt with when they are small.
That lack of self-discipline I mentioned before can make it hard for them to complete things.
Again - books, projects, whatever. I might have these many beautiful visions as a visionary and great ideas.
But the amount of things that actually fulfill, the amount of dreams that actually fulfill? Me, the dream fulfilling seven, that's at least the image I have, actually, when you look at it many times, they are not fulfilling many of their dreams.
Because they jump from one thing to the other, and it's hard to complete things. It's hard to stay dedicated because that means if I dedicate myself to this dream, I have to give up on all the other dreams, and all the other fun that I can have.
So we actually find that many times they are not fulfilling their dreams, to a fault. And it's a shame because they have the ability to do that.
We all pay prices for our tactics, and that's why it's so important to do the work. Because you can have more of the gifts you can make more of your potential. You just need to work on it.
They can have a stronger tendency to addictions. I alluded to that before, and many times it's gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex and all that. Many types of addictions.
I'm not saying every addict is a seven, every seven is an addict. But it's a strong tendency for them.
They can jump from one thing to another compulsively, staying forever unfulfilled. And that's the thing we need to understand about them. And that's, again, a compassion piece that I draw into the Enneagram (into or from the Enneagram, depends how you look at it).
They look like these magical beings that have fun all the time. But actually, many times they end up very unfulfilled.
And they are actually running away from that to another next adventure and another next adventure and another next adventure, which makes them even more unfulfilled because even this didn't get me fulfilled. And this one and this one.
Another promise for a rosier future didn't work partly because of me. But yeah, many times they are actually ending up very unfulfilled, and that's a big price to pay.
And it's also very tiring, you know? Even the high-energy sevens report that it's tiring at some point to just jumping from one thing to the other and have my calendar full of all these things... Calendar - if they use one...
My day is full of all these things and jumping from here and there and so many friends and so many people and so many parties and so many things and projects. It's tiring even just to say that.
They have a lack of discernment between reality and fantasy many times because I'm painting things positive here [in my mind], and that might skew my ability to see things as they are.
So I can create problems in relationships, whether that's romantic relationships or friends: "It'll be okay. I'll be okay. He'll get around. I'll change things around, whatever." But these things require work and not just painting things pink.
It can also lead to terrible time management skills. They can be always late. They can try to put too many things in too short of a time.
They'll end up very stressed many times, even if you don't see that about them. Stressed and even depressed about that.
'I don't want to be all the time late. I don't want to run around all the time. I just want some peace, I want to breathe sometimes.
But there's so much out there, and I'm compulsively doing more because there's so much fun, and my automatic focus of awareness just goes there and I can't help myself but doing that.'
Because it's compulsive, that's automatic pattern of behavior. Now, again, if you do work, you can work on that and manage it instead of managing you and it becomes less and less compulsive.
You become less on your autopilot and more your authentic self is running the show. But you have to work on it. Not necessarily easy for anyone, and even more so for sevens.
I had a client of mine who was always super stressed about driving her boy to school.
And not only that you're stressed about it and you're upset about yourself because all the time you are late, and your kid doesn't like it either - her driving became even less careful and not so safe sometimes to herself and her child.
And you can see how far that can go. So there are big prices to pay here. It's not just 'okay. So I'm late.' No.
And again, you might not see it about them, but they do have a problem with that. They do report that as an issue.
And one of the good things about Enneagram, if you're doing the right work and not just reading from books - and reading from books is great but not if you're a professional, you need more than that - is that It's not some module that someone wrote and that's the Bible. No.
We actually talk to people, hear their experiences, and we understand their world better. It's a living field of research, the Enneagram, that keeps updating.
So inside they feel the pain. But they are so afraid that they deny it and bury it. They are afraid of the pain.
Remember their core belief and their core fear. Their entire mechanism is trying to create false defense by avoiding pain. They bury it, they deny it - instead of dealing with it. And that never is a good long-term strategy.
It's like sweeping the dirt under the rug. It's not going to make it go away. You end up having a big mountain of dirt. It grows bigger and bigger and can get to enormous levels and enormous dimensions.
So in the lower levels, it can be very, very sad thing to see what happens with sevens if they don't take care of themselves.
Another aspect of it - I had a client who embedded that really well. It's like there's a common thing about sevens and handling their money.
Because life is fun and I can just spend and spend and spend. I don't need to take care about things like checking my account and how much money I have, and it's going to be okay and the universe will provide and everything will be okay.
So part of it is also that they think, or they believe or they act as if they have the money already, even if they don't. Even before they close the deal or they got the money into the bank account - they just spend it as if they have it.
And then they find themselves all of a sudden without the money. They spent the money that they don't have because the deal didn't go through or some other emergency showed up.
And now, yes, that money that I would have had for what I spent on needs to go to the emergency. Now I have that thing I spent and the emergency I need to deal with it.
So my client that I had was, one of the clients, a seven that embodied it really well.
She was earning a ton and she came to me and said, "I always end up in debt. I don't know how it's possible. I'm always in debt." And she'll say that and then she'll go buy a super expensive coat.
But that's the thing. We don't really see ourselves as clearly. And even if we do, we don't know how to stop it.
So part of it was, 'I don't know how it happened', but a deeper part of it knew but didn't know how to deal with it. And even a deeper part knew how to deal with it but they wouldn't do it.
That's part of what I do as a coach. I help you both see things and see how to do it, and then actually deal with it. That's three different layers.
So that's enough for now with the prices that they pay. And you can see that it sounds like fun being a seven, but just like anybody else, they do pay a lot of painful prices for the strategy.
12. Common things they ask to be coached about.
And with these examples of my clients and all that, it's a good segue to common things that they ask to work on in coaching sessions, when they come to coaching.
So many times they'll come when a big crisis happens. Because their strategy is 'everything's okay, everything's okay,' or 'everything will be okay and things will work out.'
Sometimes there comes a big crisis - could be something like separation or death or getting fired or getting very sick - that the system, the mechanism inside, cannot fool you anymore.
It's not going to be okay. He died, or she dumped me.
At some point, it can get hard enough so that the mechanism can't fool you as well or as effectively. You stop believing that to a degree and you come to help.
Usually can come in a very big crisis because they're very optimistic to a fault.
Another classic scenario is when their partner wants them to come to a session or to a number of sessions because their defense mechanism as a seven, is to ignore it, to bury it, to bury the problems, to deny them even.
To not deal with them, to not acknowledge they exist, or - to say that it's going to be okay.
'I don't need therapy. There's no real problem here. There's not a problem at all here. And even if there is a problem, it's going to be okay.'
So many times it's their partner that gets them to join the party of coaching sessions.
Wanting to finally be able to commit to something is another scenario that brings them to coaching, because at some point they may notice the problem here.
They do want to achieve things, but they see that they just jump from one thing or another and they can't commit and stay dedicated.
So wanting to finally commit as a way to fulfill their dreams, which is something that they're very big on.
Wanting to go with something or someone long-term, wanting to finally be able to achieve things that they want to, fulfill the dreams that they want to. That's another scenario.
Another scenario they come with is addictions.
I need to say, I don't deal with the physical part of addiction. If you're an alcoholic in and of itself, that's one thing. But I can help deal with the seven-ish part if you are a seven.
And sometimes that would be two things together because you might deal with it to an extent, but your mechanism still will want to have a tendency to the fun things, and you might switch one addiction to another and all that, so with seven specifically.
But I must say, it's not about the entire thing about addictions. I'm not dealing with alcoholism in and of itself - but with the mechanism that gets lured into the addictions, that wants the fun and fun and fun and fun and all that.
So that's something they can come with. Either already being addicted or tendency or seeing it coming or about to happen.
Perpetual restlessness and lack of peace, lack of content, lack of fulfillment is another thing they come to coaching with, they want to be coached about, or to resolve basically.
Because even they get tired. It really is a lot, even for a high-energy seven, to be a seven. And they too want peace and quiet sometimes.
But they can't have it. They can't help themselves - because it's a compulsive, perpetual mechanism.
They can have it sometimes, but not enough, many times. Or at least when you come to coaching, it's because you just can't make it for yourself enough as much as you want to.
So they can't really enjoy the present moment. Unless again, when you have done your work, it's okay. But I'm talking about things they come to coaching with.
So the experience eventually is that they can't really enjoy the present moment because they run away from pain all the time.
They jump from one thing to another, they run away from their limitations or from limitations that life brings on us as humans and that's the way life is.
So they make endless plans for the future, for fun things, that's part of their mechanism.
So when I'm doing that, when I'm running away, when I'm planning fun things for the future, when I'm not dealing with the present issues right now, all these things, I'm not enjoying the present moment.
My mind is over there planning my next party, right? I'm just jumping from one thing to the other, and that's part of the perpetual restlessness and lack of peace, lack of content, lack of fulfillment. And also a thing in and of itself - not being in the present moment, also spiritually in other ways, has its prices.
And many people have a hard time understanding why sevens are a head type.
If you know your Enneagram a bit more, when I talk in my E-School about the 3 centers of the Enneagram, they are in the head center, which is also the fear center.
And many people are having a hard time understanding why are they a head center and why they are in the fear center, especially with the head part.
But if you heard me well now you can understand. I won't dive into that. That's more advanced. That's not so much an intro. But if you got that there, you can get a glimpse of why they are a head center.
And if you didn't and you want no more again, betterlifeawareness.com/eschool, as in Enneagram school.
Another thing they want to deal with when they come to coaching sessiona is surprisingly depression and anxiety.
Now, it's only surprising if you see seven from the outside. If you know sevens more, and you just got an intro, and understand how much you already know more about them, you can understand why they'll have depression and anxiety.
You can understand now, also, why the Enneagram is so powerful.
I am talking about 30, 40, 45 minutes here about the Enneagram, and not all of it relates to depression and anxiety - but you can understand why a person that looks so happy and magical unicorn actually, repeatedly, they come with depression and anxiety for coaching.
It's not what you would expect from a person when you see it from the outside as such a fun, magical, adventurous, optimistic person.
But do they get depression exactly? Oh yes, they do.
And if I'll make an exaggeration that can get you to understand what's going on, I'm only somewhat exaggerating here, but you can say and I'm careful because it's not completely true.
Understand I'm partly exaggerating here: when a seven, when you ask a seven, 'how are you?', and he tells you 'I'm okay' - it might mean that he's depressed.
And I'm saying that because usually, a seven is, 'Everything is great!'. But if you're a friend of a seven and you hear something like, 'I'm okay. Things are fine' - it might mean more than just something's happening. It might be actually a red flag, because for them to admit that might take something.
Again, the more they are highly evolved, the less you have to worry about it, because it's honest truth.
But sometimes their mask, the compulsion to show everything is great externally, and everything is fun externally, and even internally, is so big that when things are bad, they'll still say it's great. And when things are really bad, I'll say 'I'm okay.'
Another thing they come to coaching about is the desire to overcome their constant FOMO, their fear of missing out. If there's a classic example of FOMO, it's type seven.
And another thing they come to coaching about is a real authentic desire to deal with their pain.
They have their authentic self like every one of us. And sometimes that authentic self kicks strong enough for us to come to have a coaching session or sessions about that.
They really want to deal with their pain. They see that their strategy is not working, which is a healthy thing to see for all the types. Because of all the types, it's the truth.
The strategy is not working. Again, go to the first video, the introduction video, and see more about that. It might work sometimes, but not long-term and not good enough. And eventually, it brings what we're afraid of.
So, sometimes the authentic self kicks strong enough that they'll come to work on that. The real authentic desire to deal with their pain in a mindful, healthy way, as opposed to just running around, planning fun things.
13. Type 7's ultimate mission for growth & happiness.
And with that, my dear sevens, the ultimate mission for growth and happiness for sevens is to live life fully - but not like what they want it to mean.
It's not only the fun, dream-fulfilling kind of 'living life fully' that is usually what is spoken about when you say "live life fully."
When you're talking about seven specifically, the idea is to live life fully with everything that it brings - joy and suffering, pleasure and pain, freedom and limitations, hopes and disappointments -and to be present to the present moment.
Not just running around to the future and making fun plans. Dealing with everything that life brings. That is what living life fully means. True to everyone and even more so important for sevens to understand.
And the other part of it, I kind of hinted at many times in this video, is that you don't have to compulsively run away from pain to fun, or just run away from pain, in order to be loved and safe.
So I hope this was very helpful for you. Whether you are seven, you are a seven's friend, you are a professional coach or therapist that works with people, and specifically with sevens.
I go way deeper into things in my Enneagram school, the E-School, at betterlifeawareness.com/eschool, and we dive into things like exercises that can help you change your habits and get out of that pattern.
The traps, the paradox of the type, turning points of the types, how to get along with sevens or any other types, wings and arrows and instincts and centers and tritypes and levels of development.
Or you are a coach or a therapist that works with people, and in this case sevens, and want to have better tools and another layer of understanding of why they are the way they are.
And let's discuss this either here in the comments or on social media. You can find me in Better Life Awareness or Eldad Ben-Moshe, and let's have a ball.
If you are curious, let's talk about it.
You can share some comments, write me an email, or even join E-School, our Enneagram school at betterlifeawareness.com/eschool.
- we'll be happy to see you there.
Again, I hope this was helpful and fun.
And perhaps the next step would be to watch the next video about type eight, The Aggressive Protector.
Perhaps your next step would be to go to the E-School and check out more in-depth material.
Either way, I love you all. Have a great day. I hope you had as much fun as I did. And I love you.
To your better life,
with tons of 💖
Founder, Teacher, and Coach
Better Life Awareness Center