To push through or let go?
The fine line between giving it all you've got - and knowing when to let go.

By Eldad Ben-Moshe ✨ Reading Time: 4 minutes

❤ Hi there Better Lifers!

One of the trickiest balances people are having a hard time with that I noticed in my many years of coaching and teaching,
is the fine line between giving it all you got - and knowing when to let go.

We just celebrated my amazing son's 6th birthday, and arranging his party was good practice in walking that fine line.

My son wanted a sports-themed party, and I was, of course, thrilled to give him what he wanted.

The weather was beautiful when we talked about it - sunny, warm weeks of early spring.

We made a beautiful invitation - sports oriented, of course - and set the party to be held in a big park in our town, so that we could play soccer, basketball, baseball, and other sports games in the big fun outdoor space.

Guests were encouraged to come with sports clothes; I found beautiful sports decorations, cake candles, plates, cups, and all that good fun stuff.

Everything was ready for a fun party in the park.

But then...

Life did its thing.

For as the famous saying goes - we make plans, and God is laughing.

As we got closer to the day of the event, the weather forecast changed:
Rain was supposed to happen in the 2 days before our party, which would make the grass wet, if not muddy.
That's fine for the sports games, but not ideal - that's not really how you picture a fun party in the park in the spring.
Not to mention guests not feeling comfortable sitting, kids getting wet from playing in muddy or wet grass, temperatures being cold... Doable, but not ideal.

I was keeping my hopes high, though -
there was time for that to change;

These were literally 2-3 days of cold and wet weather in the middle of weeks and weeks of sunny, warm spring days.

And, so far, the weather was always great on his birthdays,
and it was great in all our recent adventures too,
such as our long vacation in Israel (sunny and warm weeks in the middle of winter? Yes, please!)

As time drew closer, though,
it became more and more evident that even the day of the party itself would be rainy.

We had a decision to make:

Do we keep to the original, wonderful vision of games in the open fields (eg, by postponing the party by 2 weeks),
risking people won't be able to make it,
as that would be Mother's Day weekend (and who knows, maybe rainy again)?

Do we do it in our house -
wonderful and fun,
but certainly not the place to play soccer, basketball, and baseball on a rainy day...

Do we rent an indoor space to be able to play some of those sports games?

Or maybe there was another option I wasn't seeing?

It might sound trivial - just another birthday party.

But when something is as important to you as your son's joy is to me;

When it's a pivotal moment in time where he can experience the joy of being celebrated by his friends in a way that you get to have on your birthday,
with all the developmental advantages that it brings to kids (and grown-ups too!),
even more so in their transformative years and early years of socializing,
his first birthday in his school years -

In that context, it's not trivial at all.
It's more than a birthday party - it's a potentially life-changing experience.
For him, and for me.

I consulted with him about postponing, and he decided not to do that.

We're so connected and tight, he and I, that I know how connected, mature, and wise he is.
I know to trust his judgement,
and I was happy to have that decision be the way he would want it to be.

So I checked some spaces to rent -
and eventually found one, but with some limitations.

Now the decision was at my table.

Do I cling to the glorious original vision,
trying to squeeze it into the limitations of the space I found?

Or maybe that wouldn't be clinging and squeezing but rather breaking through challenges,
solving problems,
and making things happen instead of giving up?

It can work and be fun, for sure.
But, there were some important, relevant limitations nonetheless.

Or, was it time to surrender that vision, let go of the mental image I had in my mind,
and make the best we can in our house -
with the beautiful sports decorations, the soccer piñata, the sports theme prizes, and even make a basketball corner for shooting hoops in the living room - but without the ability to play soccer, basketball, baseball etc. in big, vast spaces as we both imagined?

Would that be too contained, too much of the opposite of the mental image and desire we shared, that it would be a nice party, but not as glorious and great as we wanted?

In other words -

Was it time to double down on our vision, break through barriers and challenges, and make it happen despite the circumstances?
Or was it time to let go, flow with what life is serving us, and make the best out of it?

This time it was my turn to lead the decision, not to consult with him.

Not necessarily an easy thing for an Enneagram 9...
But a good and critical practice because of that. I knew that much.

I did share with him the situation with the place I found,
but gave it to him as a conclusion of what we will do, and why,
with an open mind to hear his response and maybe change my mind if he makes a really good point I didn't think of.

He didn't.

I decided to do it in our house.

I felt like not only everything was leading there (the rain, lack of good relevant spaces to rent), but more importantly -
that I was trying to squeeze our plan into a space that was available, and could work, but wouldn't really fit the plan or the event in other ways;
Trying to force our vision into a reality, as opposed to overcoming challenges and not giving up.

So that's one key for walking that fine line between giving it all you got vs letting go:

Be conscious and aware of what you're doing and why.

Are you trying to overcome challenges,
breaking through where some part of you wants you to give up,
or are you trying to force things into existence?

The words might seem similar, but the internal feeling in both cases is very, very different.

And the more you practice consciousness and awareness,
the more you practice observing and inner inquiry,
the easier it'll be for you to know what's really going on,
as opposed to falling for the ego's deceptions (e.g., feeling like you're trying to overcome challenges when in fact you're grasping to what you want too hard and trying to force your will on reality).

The decision to do it in our house meant another thing as well -
letting go of the prior vision, making the proper adaptations to the new situation,
and trusting that as long as we've got the most important things covered,
it'll be somewhere between good and amazing.

And amazing indeed it was!

So that's the 2nd key here -

What are you focusing on as you're walking that fine line?
And what inner state are you walking it with -
fear or love? "I know what's best," or trust?

Note that when I say get the most important things covered,
I mean it not only in terms of the event itself (comfortable space for people to enjoy, food, drinks, etc), but also - and even more so -
the core essence behind it all.

In our case,
I knew that the most important things about the party are that we'll be together, we'll be celebrating my son, giving and receiving love, and having our friends with us.

As long as we have those 4 core things, we'll be good.
All the rest - location, what games we'll play, what we'll do, etc, -
all that can be figured out, and might even take care of itself.

So I made sure that moving forward, I was focused on those most important things, not letting anything else become a big deal in my mind.

I was able to walk that fine line with love and trust because I knew that whatever happens, the most important things will be covered.

Eventually, it was his best birthday party yet - and we already had very epic ones in the past.

He was so happy, and so were his friends, their parents, and all our guests.
People were raving about the setup, the energy, and the vibe,
and the house was full of the sweet, heart-opening, soul-delighting sounds of kids laughing and having a blast.

I didn't plan any activities except the piñata and, of course, cake time -
all the rest happened by itself.
And it happened perfectly.

I just did my best, listened, tried as hard as I could,
and did honest, deep, ongoing inquiries as more and more things unfolded about whether I should push through, keep finding solutions, or whether it's time to let go.

We all have access to such information.

We all have our inner guidance with us all the time, always accessible.

When I coach my clients, I'll rarely tell them to do x or y.
Instead, I help them connect to their inner strength, wisdom, and guidance, and to navigate life as they do that.

It can be a process, and I don't leave them hanging while they're learning how to do that and practicing that wonderful art.

But helping them have that life-changing skill is an important part of my work.

And my son's 6th birthday party was a great time for me to walk my talk,
practice what I preach,
and experience for myself yet again how wonderful it is to grow and evolve and deal with life with consciousness, awareness, and a different kind of wisdom -

The kind of wisdom that comes from listening to your inner guidance;
listening to something greater than you.