My bleeding heart (and how I take care of it)Aug 31, 2020
(By Eldad Ben-Moshe ✨ Reading Time: 7 minutes)
❤ Hey there Better Lifers!
Every now and then, I feel like my heart is bleeding.
It’s usually because I get in touch with the deeper layers of my core wounds and the existential pain - the pain that comes with being alive.
Some days are like this.
Today is such a day.
And it can happen in many ways.
You might see something about yourself,
or someone says or does something that triggers you.
You might buy into some story about yourself:
‘I’m no good,’ ‘Nobody loves me,’ ‘I’m so alone’...
Ever had any of those? 😉
You might buy into some story about others or life:
‘he is not treating me right,’ ‘I deserve more than this,’
‘she’s so rude, I hate her,’ ‘Life is not fair.’
Sometimes it just seems to come out of nowhere, without any apparent reason.
But however it shows up, It’s more than the usual feelings of frustration, unhappiness, anger, sadness, etc.
It’s an entirely different quality.
It’s more authentic and more gentle.
It’s feeling your bleeding heart.
When I’m feeling my bleeding heart,
I always find myself hearing and feeling the words “my poor, poor heart.”
Let’s face it, my friend: Being human isn’t easy.
It doesn’t matter how many layers of fun and makeup you cover your life with,
life can still be hard sometimes.
Pain is a part of life, and it’s not going to go away -
so you might as well learn and practice how to deal with it.
And while it’s true for my life,
my heart drops to an abyss when I remember that I’m having the easier version of life.
Yes, I certainly have my share of difficulties and some tragic events.
But still, I’m having the easier experience here compared to some horrible, horrible realities others are going through.
Keep in mind that this is not about comparing in order to feel better -
that’s a cheap trick that causes more damage than good in the long run.
Almost everything seems different when you compare it to the holocaust - does that mean that all your suffering never counts?
Of course not.
I was mentioning other people’s traumas as a way of saying that life as a human is so hard that it’s tough for everyone - even if you didn’t go through the most horrific experiences life can offer, as some people do.
I connect into all of that and feel it deeply as I’m feeling my bleeding heart.
But instead of running away from it, I’m diving deeper into that.
And I feel so much pain and compassion, sadness, and softness.
And then I softly stop focusing on that, look up, and stay present with what is happening to Eldad and in front of him right now:
The flowers moving in the wind, the leaves of the tree falling,
the clouds floating in the blue skies.
A chair, a table, the palm of my hand.
That simple connection to this present moment and the awareness brings relief, magic, and aliveness that were not there before.
In the beginning, that magic exists alongside - not instead of - the pain I feel in my bleeding heart.
And then I get so present with it all, that the pain is not painful.
And then the pain becomes nothing more than a memory.
And then I slowly forget the pain.
Doing this and being present helps me be with that pain, feel it, learn from it, grow from it, be grateful for it, love it - for it helped me be, connect, and remember.
It was a gateway to a better life.
Practical Actionable Steps - From Information to Transformation:
So in such days, I’m trying to take it slow, be more present, feel it, be with it.
I try not to ignore it or bury it by any form of automatic, unconscious ‘doing’ such as eating or working.
Eating and working are just examples -
I’m talking about the essence of the action, not the form.
So any action that is done in a mindless, automatic, habitual way -
even if it sounds healthy like exercise - is what I’m trying to avoid.
It’s not about what I’m doing -
It’s all about where my mind is and why I'm doing it.
And yet, at the same time, I’m not ignoring the work I want and need to do.
That is also a form of the practice of walking both worlds.
Being with my bleeding heart is painful, beautiful, and insightful.
And liberating too, in a subtle way.
Lucky for me,
my work is all about being present and to going through - and working with - the pain.
But while it was a conscious choice to make a career out of my passion for being present and dealing with the psychological and spiritual pain,
you obviously don’t need that to be your job to practice what I’m sharing with you here.
That’s the beauty of it - it’s a practice that is always available to you.
It requires nothing but your choice.
And it works.
It always brings transformation.
There's more to life than what we see, what we want, what we think.
In fact, all that is not life at all.
Life is alive when you connect to that which is beyond all that.
It’s the expansion beyond the contraction.
Life is when you are.
To your better life,
with tons of 💖
Founder, Teacher, and Coach
Better Life Awareness Center
Life is a journey of learning together, learning from each other.
You don’t have to do it alone.
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