Why I let people choke me - And what that has to do with your next big decision

By Eldad Ben-Moshe ✨ Reading Time: 3 minutes

After my email where I shared that at the age of 49, I started studying for my master's degree in therapy and started practicing jiu-jitsu, a community member wrote back saying:

"I understand how studying a master's degree in therapy will help your clients and the Better Life Awareness community, but can you explain why starting to practice jiu-jitsu helps your clients and the community too?"

In other words, he was asking -

How on earth does my getting regularly choked and smashed on the jiu-jitsu mats help me help my clients, readers, and followers? 

Fair question.

Especially since I'm now spending hours each week voluntarily putting myself in positions where people twist my limbs and compress my neck. 

And since somewhere in that discomfort, I smile.

Not because I like pain.
We all instinctively run away from pain and towards pleasure.

But because I realized I was doing exactly what I've been telling you to do for years:

I was making a love-over-fear decision.

The easy choice vs. the growth choice

The easy choice would've been to stay comfortable -
physically, mentally, emotionally, and schedule-wise...

The growth choice was to invest time and money into something that would humble me, challenge me, and force me to become better.

That choice was yet another time I was putting my values and priorities into action.

Not just talking about iron-strong resilience, emotional regulation, mindset mastery, and ego transcendence -
but literally practicing them while someone's forearm is across my throat.

I was walking my talk and leading by example.  

Why I chose the hard way

There's always an easier version of my life available.

I could stay in my head, read more books, meditate more, write more, and never step onto a mat where people half my size can fold me like origami.

But that would violate one of my core professional promises -
to myself and to you:

Live what you teach, don't just talk about it.​

Every time I put on that gi and step on the mat,
I am choosing love over fear in a very practical way:

I spend my time, money, and energy on something that stretches me instead of something that's comfortable to me.

I'm choosing long-term growth over short-term comfort,
just like I encourage you to do when you face a hard conversation, a big decision, or a part of yourself you'd rather not see.​

Walking my talk, not just sharing ideas

In my work, I talk a lot about values, priorities, and making decisions that reflect who you want to be, not just what feels safe today.

Jiu-Jitsu is one of the places where this stops being a nice sentence and becomes sweat on the mat, bruises on the shins, and humility in real time.​

When I step into class after a long day of work (or too early on a weekend day...),
I am practicing the exact thing I coach:

Invest in yourself,
do the hard thing,
lean into discomfort,
and trust that your future self will thank you.

It is one thing to tell you "move toward the thing that scares you but grows you";
It's another to let a stranger try to strangle you three times a week and breathe through it.​

Who would you rather read, follow, and be coached by - 

The person who only talks about it, 
or the person who is regularly also doing it himself?

How this make me a better coach, teacher, and guide

Research on Jiu-Jitsu shows that with experience, practitioners tend to build resilience, a strong mindset, self-control, grit, and greater life satisfaction.

That sounds very technical, but here's what it means for you:

When your life feels like someone's on your chest and you can't breathe, you are talking to someone who has trained - literally - to stay calm in that feeling.​

Now that's not new for me. 
I overcame 2 huge life crises, and many smaller ones, under tough circumstances.

But adding this training and experience on top of those,
does improve my skills in helping you in your own crises even further.

On the mats, I'm constantly practicing what I help clients do in their inner world:

Staying present instead of panicking.

Choosing strategy instead of brute force.

Seeing "failure" as feedback, not proof that you're broken.​

That kind of training makes me even more grounded, more patient, and more precise when I'm holding space for your fear, anger, shame, or confusion.​

Love over fear, in real life

You've heard me say that a better life is built by choosing love over fear - again and again, in very ordinary moments.

Jiu-Jitsu gives me thousands of tiny reps of that,
and repetition is the mother of all skills:

Show up even when I'm tired,
roll even when I'm nervous,
learn from people who can beat me,
stay kind to myself when I feel clumsy and slow.​

Those choices shape my nervous system and my character, not just my muscles.

They allow me to sit with you - in your darkest self-doubt or your biggest decisions - from a place of lived experience, not theory.

When I encourage you to honor your body, face your fear, or invest in your growth, you can know it's coming from someone who is also in the arena, not watching from the stands.​

The life I'm inviting you into

I'm not interested in being a "perfect" coach on a pedestal.
I'm interested in being the kind of leader whose life quietly proves that his work… works.

Jiu-Jitsu is one of the ways I make sure that happens:

It keeps me honest,
keeps my ego in check,
and keeps me growing at the edge of my own comfort zone.

This is yet another way in which ​I am living the life I want my clients to have -

A life where success isn't sacrificed for health,
and where growth is continuous.

A life where you not only survive your crises and challenges,
but also emerge out of them stronger.

I'm constantly pushing the limits of my own comfort,
transforming my own personal challenges,
and becoming my own legend first.

If some part of you feels a pull reading this -
that small, persistent voice that says "It's time to do the hard, real thing that would grow me" -

Listen to it.

You don't have to step onto a mat,
but you do have to step into your life.

My commitment is simple:

To keep doing that in my own life,
so that when you are ready,
you have someone in your corner who is already walking that path with you.